Man Wants Drunks To Stop Fornicating With His Woman-Shaped Shrub

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At a glance

  • A British man issued a plea to his community to please, for the sake of decency and art, stop humping his shrub.
  • Keith Tyssen has been maintaining “Gloria” since 2010. Once you see her, you’ll understand why he’s having problems keeping “drunken louts” off his property.
  • The not-infrequent encounters with random strangers is problematic for multiple reasons. On the one hand, the noise made by fornicating with his hedge wakes the elderly man up in the middle of the night, but even worse is the havoc it wreaks on Gloria’s figure.
  • “Someone will squeeze the breasts,” explains Tyssen, “so that will damage it.”

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